What do you do...

When your heart feels torn to pieces, do you try and superglue it back together?
I have done that twice this week, but I may need to reapply again.


I hate feeling like this. Its funny to me, that I feel like writing to my blog will make me feel better.
More than it would talking to a real person. In fact I almost expect a response back.
But of course I never do.


I wish that there was some type of device out there that you can hook up each end to you and another person, and physically show that person the pain you are in. Just so they can understand why you are crying every day, why you are so depressed.


There are so many levels of feelings. Right now I am at the level where every mental feeling I have, I almost physically feel.
Like my sadness feels like I am wrapped in a wet, cold, smothering sheet.
My hurt feels like someone is squeezing my heart out of my chest.
My confusion feels like someone is pouring concrete into the pit of my stomach.
My anger feels like I have just pour hot, boiling water into every inch of my body.


These are all such extreme feelings, I am trying to make myself numb.
One feeling I don't want to numb though, is love.
Its funny that part of the way I am feeling is because I love someone so much.
That's the trouble with love, is when you are with someone and you love them with the very depths of your soul, any little thing they do to hurt you feels like it has been multiplied by a million.
It also goes in the way that when you hurt them you hate yourself so much for whatever it is you did or said to hurt them.


I feel so hopeless right now, like the pain won't ever go away.
Why God, why won't you make it go away? I don't understand why you are doing this to me?