...

Why does being lied to hurt so much? Why does the same person keep coming in the picture in a manner in which they don't need to be? It makes me feel worthless, angry and sad. My heart hurts so much right now. Besides this screen I am laying in a dark room, tears rolling down my face and all I want to do is scream. Here I am, away from my family, lonely...and he hides these things from me. I don't believe you anymore...why should I. You think you lie so well...but the truth is the slight rise in your voice, the small shutter...the facts that I do have...they have put you in a position where I can't trust you. Just when I think I can you prove me wrong. How could you? Are you willing to throw it all away over her? Prove to me you want me. Don't just tell me...show me.

So Busy With Baby

Well Jaxson Joseph Stokes made his entrance on April 24th at 2:52 pm. Its been 6 weeks since then, and it has gone by too fast. I was supposed to be back to work July 9th, but I am needing the money so I am going back early...I leave tomorrow. Unfortunately my job is 2 hours away from where I live, and because Joe and I are not completely situated with our jobs, I won't be getting an apartment right away. Which means I have to leave my baby here, my mother watching him during the day and Joe being with him when he gets home from work. It really just hit me tonight, and I must say it is so hard leaving him for a week (or weeks) at a time. I almost feel like I can't do it, I don't know how work is going to go. Am I going to have  a breakdown my first week back? This is really the one of the most difficult things a mother could possibly do.

My life

I reaaaallly suck at keeping up with my blog sometimes. I kind of forget about it, and I shouldn't because it is a way for some people to keep up with my life.

Well right now I am 35 1/2 weeks pregnant. So I am pretty close to being done, but let me tell you it feels like I have forever to go (it feels even longer than when I first found out I was pregnant)

It is probably because it is getting ridiculously uncomfortable and I just feel done!

Anyways, this week I started school again. I chose a class that seemed like it would be relatively easy during this time, and I already told my professor my situation so I feel really at ease with it. I am almost done with my Associates, thank goodness. It has taken me about 4 years to finish. I promise you my bachelors degree will not take me that long.

Joseph and I picked a date finally. I was kind of nervous bringing it up because he hardly talks about it, so I hate feeling like I am the only excited one. But I really am. He is my best friend, and I love being around him.
So back to the date thing...its really a random date, but we chose October 26th of next year. It gives us a good amount of time to plan things out, save up money, and let the babies grow up a little bit before we take them on such a large trip.

Mmmm what else...
Well my brother is actually at this very moment on his way to Fort "Lostinthewoods" from Fort Dix to continue his pre mob training. He should be there a few weeks then head back to Fort Dix to finish training and head off to Afghanistan. I am not sure how I am feeling about it all right now. I don't know if it is easier for me because I am in the military too and I understand a lot of what he is going through, or if it makes it harder knowing what he is going through. I know he wants to be home already, and that is hard to think about, because as much as I miss my brother, I know it is 10 times worse for him because at least I get to be at home with my family and where it is familiar.

Oh boy, well my life holds no other interesting qualities right now, that is all that is going on at the moment.

Bye for now!

It's almost baby time

I can't wait to meet my son.

It is one of the most terrifying things to me, but I couldn't be more excited for him to enter this world.
I can't even imagine what else I would want to be doing with my life right now than getting to be a mommy to this precious boy.

I know that its going to be hard, but he will be so worth it.