Negativity...

I really don't care if I am in a negative spot right now.
I feel miserable about everything right now.

MOSTLY about myself. Pregnancy has not been fun, 5 more weeks and I will be halfway through, but I just want to be done with it now. Sadly, sometimes I wish I was never pregnant, not because I don't want my baby or anything. I just wasn't ready for this right now, especially when things in my life just don't feel quite like I pictured they would be.
I wanted to be married, at least for a few years, with someone who I could share this experience with as something new for the both of us. I wanted a nice (not big or anything) house, a job that I didn't get so stressed out over, and maybe actually liked. I wanted a dog, a bigger car. So many things, and as much as I yearned for this before it happened, I still wanted the timing to be better than it was.
I feel fat, I feel like I look disgusting. I hate looking at myself, and I don't even bother putting on makeup because I don't feel beautiful anymore. Beyond that, I don't even feel like I know myself anymore, I feel like a monster, a scared, confused, angry, sad monster.

I really hope things start to get better soon...I am on the verge of a break-down.

Camping!

Was awesome this weekend. It was so nice to get away from everything!
I loved it (except for having to pee in the middle of the night)
The fresh (cold) air was so refreshing, even though where we live isn't that bad either.


I think it was mostly so relaxing for me because I didn't have to deal with cellphones, facebook, etc.
I am starting to really hate technology. It makes things too easy...sometimes it can be the downfall of great things.